How to Deal with Passive Agressive People

Effective ways to make passive aggressive people regret disrespecting you (without being aggressive)

Hi everybody;

We’ve all come to deal with passive aggressive people, to a certain degree. And I think we can all agree that they’re literally a pain in the ass.

They just got one of the worst combination of traits you can possibly have: 

Aka; Cowardice & lack of self control

You can notice it in how they neither have the balls to confront you nor enough detachment to just ignore you. So they end up “passive-aggressive” instead. 

It’s like they can’t help but express their dissatisfaction, frustrations, or even insecurities, while at same time trying to avoid conflict.

Despicable. 

Now. Fact remains that the ambiguity of their attacks makes it pretty hard, if not impossible to answer like you would like, or actually like you would normally do.

Why?

First, their attacks usually hide behind a facade of humor, ignorance or even innocence, etc..  Which can make you doubt of their real intentions, or (atleast) your perception of them

Might start asking yourself:

“What do they really mean by that?” “Am I being too sensitive?” “Am I being paranoid?” “Are they actually being rude/disrespectful, or is it maybe just genuine inadvertence?”

All bunch of uncertainties that makes it difficult to decide how to react/respond exactly..

And secondly; Let’s say you’re certain of their intentions, (and chances you’re usually right), it’s still hard to answer directly, since all they have to do is play the victim card, by denying their intentions, or even accusing you of being too sensitive, having no sense of humor (common one), etc..Thus; Likely switch roles, and discredit you in front of people around, at least if they’re naive

Now. Passive aggressive, or not, there’s no just valid reason to let people disrespect you.

In fact, for such people being passive aggressive is a common way to test your boundaries. Means that if you let it slide, and don’t draw clear boundaries, right from the start… Then you can likely expect plenty more disrespect coming your way, and it won’t even hide this time

So this is why I gathered for you 5 effective ways to deal with these passive-aggressive attacks:

1) Reformulation:

Here’s thing;

As we said passive aggressive people intentionally give mix messages to keep a plausible deniability

So what you should do is literally bring their intentions to light. Easier said than done? Actually all you have to do is reformulate their attacks with their "actual" meaning.

Idea here is acting as, and making them think that they haven't been ambiguous enough, even if they actually did. Thus; Take them by surprise, and force them to take accountability for their behavior, or at least deny it completely.

To do that, you can simply say something like “so what you’re telling me is X, Y, or Z”  (that being what they meant) - while of course emphasizing your “shock” through your overall communication (tone, facial expressions, etc..)

Also; Remember, focus on the attack, not the person. Don’t give them a chance to victimize.

Watch how Scarlet Johansson does it here:

2) Ask Questions:

Most’s mistake when dealing with passive aggressive attacks, and especially if they felt especially offended is rushing to answer back the other person

Why? Because by doing this, you’re somehow “validating” their insinuations. Like you’re unconsciously implying that there’s some logic, truth, or even meaning to them.. When they often don’t even deserve a genuine response, at least not directly

So instead stop for a second, take some deep breath especially if you’re in a fight, or flight.. Then; why not first ask a question to force them to speak what’s really on their mind?

Can be as simple as asking: “Why do you mean that?” 

Of course, try acting as if you genuinely didn’t caught their intentions - So they’re more likely to speak them openly.

Because from there? It’s over. You hold them accountable for their and therefore can set give appropriate, or plainly choose to end the interaction.

Watch how Tom Hardy does it here:

Remember; Don’t expose their before answering, and you’re unconsciously validating them.