Ever got that feeling you're in "the spotlight"?
The Spotlight Effect & How to Dim it. (Bonus at the end)
Hi everyone;
Do you often get that feeling that all eyes are on you?
Ladies & Gentlemen;
The Spotlight Effect:
A psychological phenomenon where we tend to overestimate how much others notice pretty much about us. Our actions, words, appearance, etc… EVERYTHING..
Deeper, it is an egocentric “bias” - We see everything through a “Player 1” lens and believe our perspective is the only perspective
Like you’re the “main character”, at least in everyone’s perception.
Term first came out in 2000, after psychologists did a certain experience:
They asked some students to wear an embarrassing shirt (Barry Manilow), and then estimate how many of their classmates they think would notice.
The results? Students estimated 50%, when in reality only 25% did.
Here’s what it looked like in case:
Two important takeaways:
We can think everyone is staring at us, or noticing everything about us, but they aren’t.
Suppose they do, they forget in a minute.
Point is..
Now that you know what this bias is about, you can’t let its potential consequences affect you & your life.
Common ones being:
Shrinking yourself down by fear of eventually being in “the spotlight”
Self consciousness, leading to struggles with people overall (social anxiety)/ (self-absorption)
Avoid doing what you want, or makes you happy by fear of being judged.
See? Not consequences you can just ignore, isn’t it?
Now. While it might be challenging to turn it off completely, each of you can at least dim it to a level where it won’t affect/harm your social life, and life in general.
So just for you guys..
Here are 5 Spotlight Escaping Strategies:
Awareness:
Detachment starts with Awareness.
By now, I think you understood that spotlight effect is you forgetting that everybody is just as fucked up as you. (Some are just better at hiding it)
Because again, even if they notice you, they forget in a minute - as they’re more concerned about themselves.
That’s just human nature for you.. Self absorbed/Selfish creatures. Always thinking about themselves, their own appearance, the vibe they give off, etc.. No place for others in that lot, at least not for along time.
This - is especially important to understand because when you feel like you’re in the spotlight, your social anxiety tends to pop up, if not increase.. With of course those little signals that usually comes with it (heart beating faster, breathing speeds up, muscle tenses, shaking, etc..)
And then, you often feel that everyone is perceiving your embarrassment, which exacerbates its effect.
When in reality. It’s just like the rest. People just don’t care .
So get it in your head, once, and for all: “It’s all in your head”
Focus on others:
Now. Spotlight effect is also “Self-Consciousness” at its peak.
Means you’re not there - You’re just stuck in your head worrying about what others may think of you. (Focus inward.)
So what you have to do at least if you wanna put your anxiety to rest, and shut down voices is “shift your focus outward”
How exactly?
Best way is still by focusing on others.
More specifically; Be genuinely interested in them (ask questions, listen actively and engage with people). Use you EYE. Notice the subtle cues exchange when they’re communicating.
It’s simple...“Shift your focus outward, and you’ll stop being anxious.”
What’s more?
Showing genuine interest in others is still one of the best ways (if not the best) to build rapport, be more interesting & hold conversations effortlessly (less awkward pauses)
Pretty good, don’t you think?
Focus on your breath:
Now; Good thing is focusing on others isn’t the only way to shift your focus outward.
There’s another one, and a quite significant one that is.. Ladies & Gentlemen.. Drum roll Please… Focusing on your breath.
Or more specifically; Conscious Breathing.
Listen; What you wanna do here is become aware of your breath. Control it. Notice as you inhale deeply, and exhale. (Bio feed back will cause you to enter into a relaxed state of mind)
Plus; It will keep you from losing control of your breath, which makes you even more anxious.
Trust me. Just do it. No one will notice.
Seems confusing?
Here’s an exact, and easy pattern of breathing, found out by scientists in 1930’s, and that you can use to automatically relieve stress: